Today, in the latest installment of the Letters to the Bride series, my friend Pharryn is sharing some wisdom after being married for four years! I’ve loved this so much and I’m so thankful to everyone who’s participated!
Pharryn is a momma, wife and Junior High teacher living out in the ‘burbs of Houston. She thrives off of Jesus, caffeine, and reruns of The Office! Being a new mom, she wanted to seek a way to get her thoughts and experiences out there to share with other new mommas for encouragement, so she created bambiandcompany.com to do just that!
It’s been a fun endeavor so far and she loves getting to meet so many new people and their stories! She and her husband Brandon met in college through a mutual friend back in 2011 and Pharryn told him he was so nice and that he should take her on a date (it was so gutsy- but hey, it worked out)! After graduating in 2014, they tied the knot and booked it to the burbs! The couple has the sweetest little boy named Nolan, and they all love eating breakfast tacos, chillaxing, and binge watching Marvel movies on the weekends!
This is her letter.
To the bride,
Walking into almost 4 years of marriage (say WHAT!? 2015 was how long ago?!), my best piece of advice is to love even when it’s hard.
When my now hubby and I took our first premarital counseling session (all brides should totally do this if their timeline/budget allows it!), our pastor said that we’d have days where we really, really don’t like each other. Upon hearing his statement, I was so taken aback! I thought to myself, “No way that’ll happen. Brandon is the man of my dreams- who treats me like a princess and loves me better than anyone else ever has. How in the world could I ever dislike him?” It was a super hard idea to wrap my mind around at the time.
Fast forward four years, a move, multiple huge life decisions, a BABY later.. and SURPRISE! I have finally encountered MULTIPLE instances when Brandon, my Prince Charming, was not my favorite person on earth (he might’ve even been my least favorite a couple times).
What I’ve learned through these instances is that it’s so human for us to have days when we’re frustrated and completely angered with one another, but give yourself grace, bride! We are not Christ and thus- we are going to fail, disappoint, and anger our spouses (makes me so grateful for our redemption in Jesus!). And because of our inevitable failing, when it does happen- apologize, and do ACTIONS of love when you least feel like it.
I read about doing actions of love to recover feelings of love through Tim Keller’s book, “Meaning of Marriage.” Seriously snag that book if you haven’t already! It’s amazing!
Here’s what he has to say about actions of love and walking through emotional frustrations- “Our culture says that feelings of love are the basis for actions of love. And of course that can be true. But it is truer to say that actions of love can lead consistently to feelings of love. Love between two people must not, in the end, be identified simply with emotion or merely with dutiful action. Married love is a symbiotic, complex mixture of both. Having said this, it is important to observe that of the two – emotion and action – it is the latter that we have the most control over. It is the action of love that we can promise to maintain every day.” Good good stuff right!? So when you encounter your seasons of frustration, think of ways you can love on your hubby! Make him dinner even though you’re exhausted and he forgot to do that important thing you’ve been asking him to do for weeks. Rub his feet even though you guys didn’t go to sleep on the best terms last night. Actions of love proceed feelings of love and most of the time, whatever frustrations I had towards Brandon melt away or at least subside enough to have a mature, rational discussion to resolve them.
Marriage is so fun, hard, messy and beautiful and I’m so excited for you to join the club! I love being able to partake in this awesome blessing God has given to us and I know you will too!
Blessings sweet bride! May the rest of your planning be as easy and stress free as possible!
The wedding is just 6 days away, and as I dream of the life Cole and I will have together, I know that there will be hard days. But I’m so thankful for all the women who’ve gone before me and kindly, gracefully, share their love and advice with me! Keep up with Pharryn on Instagram
& her blog